Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Buck Showalter solves what no one thought was a problem

I'm utterly convinced that baseball managers are the most useless coaches in the four major sports. Not that this was any sort of revelation, but Buck Showalter proved to me this weekend just how dumb managers can be. Either that, or whatever intelligence he had was vacuumed out of his brain when he signed his contract with ESPN. Probably a bit of both.

Anyhow, I turn on Baseball Tonight on Saturday to find Steve Berthiaume and Buck discussing MLB divisional realignment. "The Reds and the Pirates play 10 more times this season. I don't want to watch them play 10 more times this season. The Red Sox and Yankees play 18 times this do we restore fairness to scheduling?" asks Berthiaume (I paraphrase slightly).

Apparently this is some huge problem - baseball teams don't all play the same schedule!!! "This is one of my pet peeves and everybody in the field and the stands," says Buck. Grammatical errors aside, I don't think I've ever had a discussion about how unfair the baseball schedule is (nor any other pro league schedule for that matter).

During the segment, Buck made it clear that he didn't care for divisional play, and so he introduced a new plan that's supposed to be like the NFL and NBA in "getting rid of the American and National Leagues." I don't even know what that's supposed to mean, but the new schedule is basically the exact opposite of NFL and NBA schedules (and more like the Premier League schedule). Anyway, Buck wants to reshuffle the teams and form 4 new divisions of 7 teams each. Yes, Buck's masterful plan is contingent on contracting two teams! Who does Buck suggest should be contracted? The Marlins and the Rays, for some asinine reason. Never mind that the Marlins are getting a new fucking stadium. In the new schedule, the 28 teams would play each other 6 times each - 3 home, 3 road - for the sake of "fairness," of course.

For extra flair, the 4 new divisions would be named after baseball legends. Guess which ones they are: Robinson, Clemente, Ruth and Aaron (why baseball has such a compulsion to name everything after these 4 people is absurd). Buck made a big point of "preserving regional rivalries" in the new divisions. Of course, it was completely lost on Buck that regional rivalries don't mean shit when every team in the whole league plays each other the exact same amount of times. If every team plays 6 games against the other 27, there's no need for divisions!

Buck made a big point about how well the new divisions are set up "time-zone wise." Buck, you dumbass, time zones don't matter in this system because every team plays each other the same amount of times!

If you just read this, and said "What the fuck?" well, I don't blame you. I said the same thing on Saturday night. Just know that this is easily the most retarded segment I've seen on ESPN since Who's Now.

1 comment:

  1. I remember seeing this, and almost liking the idea. AL East teams would benefit from a balanced schedule. I think he picked Florida and Tampa Bay because spring training is in Florida and he wanted an easier task in making the divisions. But, as you say, the divisions are unnecessary due to the balanced schedule.