THANK SWEET 8 POUND 7 OUNCE BABY JESUS

We don't need a link for this one. Just head on over to ESPN's homepage to see Vick-related articles littered everywhere. ESPN now has a story-feeder for the entire season! They've struck journalistic oil! Future headlines to come:

Vick: 'just happy to be here'

Vick (or McGwire): 'I'm not here to talk about the past'

(by week 4): Is it Still McNabb's Team?

(by week 8 after the obligatory McNabb oblique strain): 2nd Chance Well Worth the Wait

Bill Simmons piece on how he's happy Vick got a 2nd chance, but would refuse to support the Pats signing him

Rick Reilly piece complaining about something

and by season's end: Vick Travels to Mexico to [legally] bet on Cockfighting

The 2009-2010 season just got a whole lot more interesting...

This sounds familiar

GM Thompson won't rule out Vick

At this point, only quotes are necessary.

"Asked whether Green Bay might be interested in the scandal-tainted quarterback, general manager Ted Thompson didn't rule it out Tuesday.

But that doesn't necessarily mean the Packers are in hot pursuit of Vick.

'What is the answer that we give to questions like this? We're always looking to improve our team,' [GM Ted] Thompson said. 'We look at all options at all times. I wouldn't care to speculate in terms of the odds or the percentages [of signing Vick] or anything like that.'

But they've at least discussed Vick internally?

'We look at everything,' Thompson said."

Like I said, GMs and coaches are always "looking to make the team better" or "working with the players they have on the roster." Thanks for the headline ESPN.

DD

Weekend Update: We have no idea if Michael Vick is joining the Patriots

Sorry for the quiet weekend everyone but I couldn't sleep last night after I saw this article posted on ESPN.com Friday. Let's ignore the fact that this was the top story for a few hours.

The first two sentences truly sum up this fail:

"New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick won't rule out the chance the team will sign quarterback Michael Vick."

However,

"He's not saying it's a possibility, either."

OK, so if Belichick didn't say yes or no, then this is not a news story. In other words, there is nothing to report. Most coaches use quotes such as, "We're coaching the players that we have on the field right now, so that's who is here. So, anybody who isn't here, is there potential that they could be here? Yeah, there probably is. But right now they're not" when asked about potential signings. I think we've been hit by ESPN's perfect storm of Patriots' love, Michael Vick supercoverage, and trying to make a headline out of nothing.

The incredible factcheckers in Bristol then reported that Michael Vick had a workout in Foxboro. Those rumors were quickly proved false. Now, according to this morning's news, it looks like Cleo Lemon was that shifty QB trying out Friday.

Any intelligent sports fan asks the question "why would arguably the best team in the NFL with the best quarterback in the league take a chance on the man recently voted the most hated in sports?" We see this crap on ESPN and sigh because some less-aware sports fans actually think Michael Vick may sign with the Pats.

Fail thee well ESPN.

DD

Our first post

Greetings sports fans out there who have grown out of the diarrhea that ESPN spews each day. We promise to update frequently and keep our readers aware of every egregious offense that ESPN commits each day. Stay tuned for our official welcome message, but in the meantime, let us dive right into the shit.

My oh my this just writes itself. Please take a gander at this article about a story that ESPN covers religiously: the Greek tragedy that is the Michael Vick story.

First of all, why is it news that Michael Vick is "getting close"
to signing with a team? This is nothing more than ESPN glorifying a rumor. Yeah, I'm getting close to choosing what I want for dinner. What the fuck does that mean? If there is no decision, then ESPN has no business putting this on their pitiful excuse for a website as news. In addition, please look closely at the two headlines in this article. The article is titled

"Vick 'close' to finding new team"

However, it seems John Clayton, the resident NFL
brainiac who looks like he has one foot in the grave
already, has a different take on the matter:

Clayton: Vick Not Close To Any Deal

Please tell me these aren't on the same page...oh wait THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE. This was an article by the Associated Press. If ESPN were to consider it newsworthy, which they obviously do, then all they had to do was title it correctly. They even couldn't manage to do that.

And with that, we have our first ESPNfail

KZ & DD