Shut the fuck up Rick Reilly

Rick Reilly's latest column is about the Williams sisters. I beg you to read the first couple paragraphs here:


"What if I told you about two white brothers from a trailer park on the tattooed side of the tracks? Their father decides -- against all logic -- to teach them a rich man's sport, golf, even though he's a complete chop himself. They become great on the weedy public courses, turn pro and dominate the sport. Just wipe the Tour up. Golf harrumphs in disbelief.

Then the two brothers grow disinterested with golf and get into motorcycle building. They nearly stop playing altogether.Then they grow disinterested with being disinterested and decide, What the hell, let's go thump again. So they crush all new saps, until it's obvious nearly every major is going to be won by one or the other.

Preposterous?

Well, change their color to black, their sex to female and their sport to tennis, and you have the Williams sisters, who now have 18 majors between them -- 11 for Serena and seven for Venus. Eighteen! If this were golf, Serena would be tied with Walter Hagen for third, and Venus would be tied with Bobby Jones, Arnold Palmer, Sam Snead and others for seventh. From one family, one coach, one house in Compton. It's the single most underplayed story in American sports in the past 25 years. Where's their postage stamp?"

What the fuck are you talking about? Did you just create a 2 paragraph analogy so retarded that it couldn't possibly refer to anything except to perfectly match up with the scenario the Williams sisters went through? Then of course he saves it by saying 'change the color to black and the sex to female and the sport to tennis' !!! Wow what a brilliant story you just weaved for us Poet Laureate Reilly!

He claims that this is the "most underplayed story in sports" How ridiculous is that statement? First of all, the Williams sisters are quite famous. ESPN covers them all the time. They covered Serena when she wore that t-shirt that said 'can you see my titles?' Please Rick, the most underplayed story in sports is something we probably haven't heard of. Why? BECAUSE IT'S UNDERPLAYED. You know what I think a great story is: Nick Swisher's emotional impact on the Yankees clubhouse. I think he (with a little help from AJ Burnett and his pies to the faces) has helped transform them into a happy team again. Why hasn't this been a story? That could be the most underplayed story in sports! The Yankees have the best record in baseball. I haven't seen any Yankees specials this year except when they play the Sawx. Yes I'm a Yankees fan and I'm biased, but to say this is the most underplayed story in sports is a bit of hyperbole isn't it Ol' Riles?

And quite frankly, how can you possibly like the Williams sisters? How about the fact that they play each other so much in the finals because they're both so good, but they never have good matches? They're always blowouts because the sisters confess it's hard for them to want to beat the other. Where is the competitive fire there? These should be epic sisterly clashes. I don't want to watch one roll over and give up after the first couple games.

Also, I think they are both underachievers. Everyone knows they are by far the most talented players in the game, and they have plenty of majors to show for it. However, they are nowhere near approaching the records of the great women players of the past. I would argue this is because they don't care enough about tennis. They're too busy modeling and starting other careers to care. Sweet lord you could put a cup of coffee on that ass, but while she's modeling for that picture I think Justine Henin just won 3 majors. Whoops look how the time flies!

Reilly points this out as their greatness. They can take time off and come back and still be great. I would contend that this makes them the opposite of admirable. They have no drive to make history. Yes, they have done a lot for African Americans playing tennis already, but I don't think they have the same kind of fire that drives say, Roger Federer. Rick, I hope you die choking on Serena's giant black cock.

Rick Reilly is a whiny blubbering douchebag

This article is from 2 days ago, but we felt we had to comment on it:

In this article Rick blasts Phil Jackson, Roger Federer, and Serena Williams, all very successful at what they do, for what Reilly considers flaunting their victory. We'll address each person separately.

In the article Reilly calls the Zenmaster "un-zen," very creative, for donning a cap with an 'X' on it after the Lakers won to symbolize his 10th ring. Reilly writes

"That hat said, Aren't I amazing! Doesn't this hat prove it? Don't you wish you had one?I hated that hat for the same reason I hate those hideous championship T-shirts and caps that teams don the instant the final buzzer sounds. Why cover up the glory of the jerseys you bled in together all season -- the ones that have your city or team name emblazoned on the front -- with some ugly shirts nobody can read? And why top it off with an ugly hat that just dangles a tag in your face?"

Maybe Reilly's a Clippers fan and never got to experience a championship, but the fact of the matter is fans love to wear this gear. It gives them as much pride as wearing the jersey because you feel like your rooting for them made you a part of the championship. Also, if Reilly had done any actual reporting, he would have learned that the hat wasn't even his idea, but rather a gift from his long-time agents. Of course Jackson donned the hat as a token of appreciation for them

Frankly, there are symbols of achievement that people flaunt in areas other than sports. When someone earns their doctorate they are given a PhD and given the title doctors (but not medical doctors obviously). Why isn't Reilly up in arms about this as well? Maybe he somehow feels he's above Jackson because he managed to pay off enough people to win 11 Sportswriter of the Year awards.

Next Reilly goes on to blast Federer for wearing a sweater boasting the number 15 representing the new record for Grand Slam titles. Reilly writes that this was "a rare show of classlessness from a normally classy guy." We agree with Reilly that Federer is a very classy guy, but that's where the agreeing ends. As such, we are willing to give him the benefit of the doubt here. Think about this for a moment: Federer has a multi-million dollar contract with Nike. It's a pretty good bet that Nike gave him 2 sweaters that day and instructed him to wear one if he lost, and the other if he won. Is that too far out of the realm of possibility for Reilly to possibly comprehend? Also, if Rick had such a problem with this, why wasn't he criticizing Federer when he analyzed the tournament for ESPN? First of all, Bud Collins is about as sane as Gary Busey. Second of all, You sir Rick Reilly, are a two-faced bag of douche.

There's more to say, and we didn't even mention Serena Williams, but this post is getting long and we will let readers form their own opinions on the rest of the article (please comment!). We wanted to conclude by asking our readers a question:

The NBA Finals ended on June 14th. Wimbledon ended on July 5th. As it says in the article, this column appeared in the August 10th issue of ESPN the Magazine. Has Reilly been fingering his asshole for the past month or having sex with corpses as he is prone to do? Why has it taken him this long to comment on these events? We leave you with that as a vivid image of another ESPNfail.

KZ & DD