Fuck My Life Part Duex

Many of you are probably aware of this development. I think we all saw this coming. In my household, today is National Turn off ESPN Day. What is the point of this idea? This feat does not deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence of Guiness Book of World Records. And yes, I plan on watching the actual football game, but on mute.

Over/under too many mentions of Brett Favre on ESPN today...

How Charming

ESPN decided to spruce up everybody's collective day with this little gem.  It involves a video of two little kids at a Yankees game fighting with those foam finger things.  For an extra dose of entertainment, ESPN made its boxing analyst Teddy Atlas phone in to provide commentary for this "fight."  God only knows what poor Teddy was thinking as he talks about the one kid's uppercut that hit "nothing but air."  Am I being cynical, or did ESPN definitely place this video in its Top Ten plays for the day?

Also, you have to feel bad for the one kid who was cruelly labeled "Redhead" in ESPN's tale of the tape - kid's gotta deal with that label enough already.

Fuck my life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRyJVV9Q8LY

How can they keep this objective?

The Sports Business Daily has reported that ESPN has hired the Kraft Sports Group to sell local advertising for its new baby ESPNBoston.com. Now you may already have made the connection between the names Kraft and Boston: Bob Kraft is the owner of the New England Patriots. Now something seems odd here when a supposedly objective news site suddenly decides to hire as an ad agency people who own a team in the area. I wonder if Mr. Kraft has any incentive to paint his team in a good light, and to make sure ESPN does the same. Well, we don't have to wonder anymore because it seems apparent that the first of many shady deals may have already been struck.

As some may know, Tom Brady and Gisele are being sued by 2 photographers because security guards that Brady had hired for the wedding shot at the photographers taking pics from afar. Now I'm a Patriots fan and I'll defend Spygate till the end of time, but this seems like a pretty fucking serious offense. These guys could have been killed, when clearly they were just paparazzi trying to make a quick buck. Now I think invasion of privacy sucks and I can understand hiring security, but read this quote from the lawsuit:

The photographers, both residents of Costa Rica, tried to drive away when they spotted a drawn gun in the hands of one bodyguard, the lawsuit said.

At that moment, a bodyguard fired the gun, shattering the rear window of the sports utility vehicle with a bullet that then hit the front windshield and ricocheted off it into the driver's seat, the lawsuit said.

"The bullet narrowly missed striking the heads of Cortez and Aviles," the lawsuit said.

That seems pretty intense, and also seems like these guys have a valid case. However, this story was not covered on ESPN.com. Rather, it was relegated to ESPNBoston.com and thus saved Brady from more humiliating national exposure. Can ESPN seriously be doing this? This is the textbook definition of a conflict of interest. How can they get away with it? Reminds me of them trying to hide another big lawsuit this summer...

ESPN Tinkers With Realignment Plan, Part II

Just weeks after Buck Showalter's stupid and completely unprompted "plan" to revitalize Major League Baseball by randomly contracting 2 teams and creating 4 new divisions when his plan rendered divisions unnecessary, ESPN is at it again!  This week's sport?  Hockey!!

Shockingly, John Buccigross, who technically isn't even an analyst - he just reads off hockey highlights for a living - is the only "expert" of these 4 who seemed to put some thought into this. John at least gave reasons for his proposed realignment, something no one else bothered to do (despite the fact that their job title is "analyst").  Scott Burnside, Pierre LeBrun, and Barry Melrose followed Buck Showalter's methodology, a.k.a. write down the first thing that comes to your mind, regardless of whether or not your plan would make sense. Pierre and Barry don't even mention that the NHL would rather expand to Europe than anywhere else.  Scott Burnside's attempt at humor was pretty lame too.  That must be embarrassing for somebody who likes hockey - being called lame.  

I've wanted to like hockey since its return from the lockout because I can't think of a less exciting winter sport than the NBA.  Can't wait to hear ESPN's new plan to revitalize the "No Balls Association" (the acronym Bill Simmons will repeat ad nauseum this coming season) - it should be due out soon.  Here's betting this asinine subject is what Bill Simmons devotes his next column to.

In My Humble Opinion

I think the jury is still out on these "ESPN Local" sites.  ESPN has certainly been pleased with the success of ESPNChicago, which launched in the late spring. Over the summer, in the first few months after launch, the Chicago site averaged 555,000 unique viewers, more than the number of unique viewers to the Chicago Tribune or Chicago Sun-Times on-line sports pages (424,000 and 256,000, respectively).

In principle, I think ESPN has made a shrewd marketing decision here in attempting to fill the power vacuum currently being left by local newspapers and news stations.  Newspapers have been digging themselves into a hole for a decade now, and ESPN's quick rise in the local market, if isolated to one or two cities at this point, speaks to that decline.  To average just shy of half the market share in just three months is staggering - and the number of unique viewers continues to grow (700,000 to ESPNChicago in July). How much contempt for their own product do newspapers have?  At least the Sun-Times doesn't have that "rat" Jay Mariotti around anymore.  

The early success of ESPNChicago certainly speaks to ESPN as a brand, even if they are trying to cater to a local audience by luring local writers and reporters and securing local advertising to these sites.  By virtue of name recognition, ESPN can certainly draw viewers to these pages.

As the previous post noted, ESPNBoston is the latest in this venture, soon to be followed by Dallas, Los Angeles, and New York editions.  As someone who lives near the city, I will be following the success of ESPNNew York closely when it launches in a few months.  To me, the success of the New York site may dictate the ultimate direction of this project.  New York is the largest city of them all - it will be tougher to compete for market share there - with a total of nine local professional teams.  Moreover, New York already has well-established outlets for sports-related discussion: WFAN, the Post, the Daily News, etc.  ESPN Radio has never been able to compete with WFAN, and despite the FAN's downturn in the last two years, I would expect it to remain comparatively successful and the go-to station.  

Considering that local coverage is as poor as it is, I hope ESPN goes beyond just its brand name here.  I won't measure its success in page views, but rather whether it can replace suffering local institutions with substantive commentary.  If it can't, kudos to them on a wise business decision, but this venture should be about more than proving how many people can recognize the brand.

-RW

Do we really need this?

ESPN Boston.

ESPN already devotes so much of their time to Boston sports, do they really need a separate website? Not like I ever have to worry about a Red Sawk highlight being on Sportcenter within the first ten minutes every morning.

Be prepared to hear the endless "log on to www.espnboston.com for the latest news." Was ESPN Chicago just a stepping stone for this nonsense?

- Long live NESN!

Maybe I'm Bitter After Saturday Night...

...but if I have to see ESPN air the USC "Lean on Me" segment again, I will be the opposite of extremely happy.  I first saw this on Saturday morning on Gameday, and SportsCenter will be replaying it in a matter of minutes.  You're telling me ESPN can't come up with something new in 5 days? Don't subject me to it tomorrow.  Somebody call ESPN's human interest division/Jeremy Schapp to do some puff piece to replace this.

Copycat?

This is passed along to us by faithful reader LC. He must be a fan of the Jayhawks because he's tipped us off as to a couple of similarities between articles on KUSports.com and ESPN's Big 12 blogger Tim Griffin (not to be confused with Timothy Griffin, a Karl Rove dick sucker, but hey who knows in Kansas).

Now LC points out to us that this past Monday there was an article by Dugan Arnett on KUSports that breaks down how Kansas' running game has really turned it around from last year. Nothing wrong with that. However, the very next day Timmy Griffin posted his piece citing much of the same details as the KUSports one.

Now we're willing to cut Tim some slack. It's obviously going to be a story that Kansas' running game has drastically improved this year to the point where they actually have 3 of the top 10 rushers in the Big 12. The fact that Griffin's article comes a day after Arnett's could just have to do with deadlines and what not. However, it's worth noting that when things happen multiple times it becomes a trend.

Back in August Eric Sorrentino wrote an article about coach Mark Mangino's relationship with quarterback Todd Reesing. It includes a lovely anecdote about one time when Todd went over to the sideline expecting to go over something with Mangino when instead Mark asked him what he thought about how the market was doing. The article is a classic 'no one believed in me except coach' story. This, of course, also shows how close the two are because Todd manages to get Mangino to talk about something other than eating a bacon wrapped steak covered in mayo for dinner.

Now a couple weeks later Griffin writes his own article praising Todd Reesing and uses the exact same anecdote as Sorrentino used 2 weeks before. In addition, much of the article is about how Reesing is underrated and wasn't a sexy pick to play in college except that Mangino saw potential in him. He got that twinkle in his eye normally reserved for the buffet line.

Now we want to reiterate that we're not accusing Griffin of anything here. Copying someone's work is a horrible crime that should not be taken lightly. These are just some things to think about and hopefully our readers will diligently alert us if this trend continues. We will agree though, that as NY Post columnist Phil Mushnick says, "ESPN never hesitates to make its reporters look as if they've copied someone else's homework."

Bryon Russell: Expert on American Society

Thanks to the always reliable and caring idiots I call my landlords, I finally have power and cable in my apartment. Kudos to KZ and DD for picking up the slack in the last couple weeks.

The first program I watched upon receiving Comcast Digital Cable? Outside the Lines with Bob Ley! And yes, Bob asked the following question of Bryon Russell - better known as the dude who Jordan pushed away before his "last shot" against the Jazz in '98: "Is civility a problem in America?"

Bob - love the integrity - but stick to asking Bryon Russell questions about MJ and not his opinion on Joe Wilson and tennis stars cursing. Whatever the hell he's doing now (apparently an NBA comeback?) does not qualify him as the next Jesse Jackson. Nor do I give a crap what Byron Russell says.

More to come in the next couple days.

UPDATE: My bad. As a commenter noted, it's Bryon, not Byron Russell. I'll tell myself that my oversight reinforces my point that anything Bryon Russell says in the future will be ultimately forgettable.

Keyshawn Johnson is a bum

At least that's what Derrick Mason, top WR for the Ravens, thinks. This was in response to Keyshawn calling the Ravens receivers a bunch of bums themselves. Here's what was actually said:
Cris Carter:

"One thing I have to respect of [G.M.] Ozzie [Newsome] in Baltimore, they have a philosophy to their team. They have a philosophy . . . spend money on Ray Lewis and defense to keep people off of Ray. They've won that way and I'm not going to knock that. They only have a certain number of dollars out of that pie still available for the wide receivers. Wide receivers, you get what you pay for. You don't spend no money on them, that's what you going to get."

(Laughter.)

Keyshawn Johnson: "Hey it is true though. You want a bum, you pay a bum."

Now Derrick wasn't too happy about this, and didn't feel their 38-24 thumping of the Chiefs answered enough questions about their receivers. Derrick responded with this lovely quote:

"Keyshawn Johnson is the bum, that's why he's in the analyst seat," receiver Derrick Mason told Freeman. "He tried to come back to football but no one would sign him. He was never that good a player. He got lucky and signed on in Tampa Bay and won a Super Bowl because they had a great defense.

"Just look at the two people doing the criticizing, that's all I'm saying. Keyshawn was overrated and Carter is in the same boat I'm in. He doesn't have a Super Bowl ring either. He's in the analyst seat without a ring. At least I'm playing. He still wants to play but he can't anymore. We're the bums? That's why you're in the analyst seat. Just be quiet and keep dreaming you still could play."

Frankly we think Derrick Mason is totally fine to call out Keyshawn and Cris if those guys are gonna come at them like that. However, here's where ESPN's penchant for being ESPN comes in. ESPN reps actually emailed PFT to request they change their story because Keyshawn didn't call anyone in particular a bum. Maybe not, but he did make a blanket statement referring to THEIR ENTIRE RECEIVING CORP. Please ESPN, why can't you just admit when you are wrong. You are not god despite trying to be.

Here's Mike Freeman's own response. He's the guy who originally reported the story and was told by Derrick Mason what he reported.

Some Things that Bother Me

On Saturday, this news item was on ESPN's home page.

Of course Brett Favre was going to be named captain. Because if he didn't get voted, then he would start crying. We all know how much of a flopping pussy he is, seeing as he announced his (fourth or fifth) retirement on the eve of training camp and then announced his comeback halfway through August. Ms. Favre thinks he's a) good enough to skip training camp or b) a douchebag who only cares about himself...or both.

What I found enjoying was this line:

He addressed the team on Monday, saying he felt the need to let them know personally that he ended his second retirement for the right reasons.

The right reasons?

1) Get revenge on Green Bay

2) Spite the Jets

3) Be able to skip training camp and do whatever he wants

Almost as pathetic as Favre is that stupid captain patch they wear in the NFL. Thank god my beloved Eagles don't wear that shit.

My ire for Favre might have blurred the point that this is not headline worthy. I fathom that there would be plenty of headlines between the MLB playoff race, NFL injury notes, and, oh yeah, college football.



In other news, I woke up to read John Clayton's late night story. Seriously, how is such a scrawny fuck a NFL expert? He doesn't look like he's played a down of football in his life. At best he was the high school waterboy who got taped to the goalpost.

Anyways, I digress. His first statement claims that Donovan McNabb should have been pulled before his injury. Honestly, was he watching the game, or at least check the drive log?

Sure, Philly was up 21. But McNabb threw an interception on their first drive, and after another Delhomme INT, there were more than eight minutes left in the quarter.

If Big Red pulled D-mac before that drive, Kevin Kolb would probably not have led a scoring drive. In fact, what I've seen in his regular season appearances suggests that Kolb would have fumbled the ball or thrown an interception. One score and the Panthers are within 14 in the third quarter.

Sorry, John, you don't take the quarterback out at that point in the game. That's why you're a failure. Just like Brett Favre.

The most entertaining thing I've watched in a long time

I don't need to say anything. It's Skip Bayless and Chad OchoCinco arguing on First and 10. Skip is tearing Chad to shreds and he just sits there and takes it.

ESPN's Trent Dilfer buddies up to Michael Crabtree

Trent Dilfer, best known for being the ugly and shitty quarterback of the Super Bowl winning Ravens earlier this decade, proves that a team can win essentially on defense alone. Now he's just another former terrible football player (Hi Tim Hasselbeck!) doing analysis for ESPN. ProFootballTalk reported that he had a lovely throwing session with Michael Crabtree, during which he determined that Mr. Crabtree looked good and was ready for the season. Now the purpose of the article was to suggest that Crabtree is about to give in and sign with the 49ers. However, ESPNfail wants to highlight a different part of the article. Here's the depressing line:

"Dilfer said he did not discuss the lingering holdout with Crabtree."

Wait a minute, hasn't Crabtree's primadonna-ness this summer been a big story? He fucked up getting other draft picks immediately after him signed because he was a baby and felt he deserved more money. Keep in mind this is a guy coming off surgery and HASN'T PLAYED AN NFL DOWN YET. I wonder why Dilfer didn't ask him the tough question though. Maybe it's because ESPN sees potential in Crabtree, a 2 time Biletnikoff winner, as a future star of the league they surely would not want to alienate. That would reduce their access to him and you definitely don't wanna get on an athlete's bad side as an analyst! Fuck you Trent Dilfer. I hope you die choking on your undeserved Super Bowl ring.

Big Brother rears its ugly head again

ESPN has a lovely show called 'The Sports Reporters,' which gives a number of famous sportswriters a forum to talk about the issues of the day. On last Sunday's edition Mike Lupica made this comment about Pete Carroll's pathetic tenure at USC:


"Carroll is in his ninth year there, his record is 89-15, and I swear, they've underachieved," Lupica said. "I really believe SC should have won more national championships than it's won on Pete Carroll's watch."

Wait a minute, we're talking about the USC that has won 2 championships in the last 9 years right? Not the one that affectionately nicknames itself the Cocks? How have they possibly underachieved? Obviously only the midget Lupica knows so much about how to win national titles.

Now this is bad enough that ESPN lets this ugly troll of a man on national television. However, it gets both better and worse. First the better: ESPN the magazine senior writer Bruce Feldman disagreed with Lupica and took his opinion to Twitter:

Mike Lupica sez Pete Carroll's team is "underachieving" Right, cause Carroll's the one who's been livin off his rep & mailin it in 4 years.

OHOHO SHOWDOWN AT THE OK CORRAL! This looks like an ol' fashiond battle O' gunslingers! However, don't bust that nut just yet! The thought police at ESPN forced him to delete the post because it was "inappropriate." Mannnnnn ESPN doesn't let anyone have fun.

Thanks to Michael David Smith of Fanhouse for this report.

Bill Simmons can't think of a topic to write about

Here is the latest 'column' from Bill Simmons. This is part of why I can't stand him. He doesn't have an idea for a column, so he decides to feed his ego by reading and answering a ton of questions from his readers. Now I'm all for a popular columnist responding to readers' questions publicly, but why not answer a couple at the start and/or end of a column? I don't want to read an entire column of him responding to people trying to tickle his balls with funny ideas.

This is just scratching the surface of what is wrong with the self-proclaimed Sports Guy. Although it seems to me he has no expert qualifications: 1) He never played any sport professionally or in college 2) His extent in the comedy business is writing for Jimmy Kimmel. And yet, he considers himself an expert on both sports and pop culture. My problem with him is not that he has opinions. I love writers who actually write what they think and that is one reason why Simmons is entertaining; he really doesn't censor himself. However, he states his opinions like they are facts and should not be disputed. For instance, here's one response in his 'column.'

"Q: I was recently waiting on line in the grocery store looking at magazine covers when I discovered that apparently Kelly Ripa has A-cups. This brought to mind an intriguing question: Who are the five hottest female celebrities without much up top? I didn't even know where to begin, but I knew you would deliver the goods for me. Also, should we call them The A-Cup All-Stars, or perhaps just The A-Team?

-- Vroom, Waldwick, N.J.

SG: I love "The A-Team." Perfect. Our 2009 A-Team All-Stars: Kelly Ripa, Kate Moss, Keira Knightley and team captain Natalie Portman. This list should be released like the NFL All-Pro team every December. I'd also enjoy the B-Team, the C-Team, the D-Team and the DD-Team. These are the kind of ideas that give me hope for the next decade with the Internet: There are still a ton of great boob-related ideas out there. Wait, am I saying this out loud?"

See how BS just proclaims the A-Team exists. He doesn't offer his suggestions. He just states what the team is. It's not open for argument. Why does he do this? Because Simmons is an egotistical elitist douche bag. It would also be nice if the ratio of non-Boston related sports to all sports talked about was less than 90/10. Of course then it wouldn't be the Simmons we love though.

One other thought: how often does he come out with a new podcast instead of a new column and use that as excuse for why he hasn't written a new column (the hey I just uploaded a podcast defense). Bill Simmons has a voice for print; not a voice for radio. He sounds like he has a deviated septum wider than when Moses parted the seas. Please keep your nasally voice off the podcast airwaves and stick to actually WRITING. If you didn't bring so much traffic to ESPN.com I'm sure they would have dropped your pompous ass long ago.

Also, stop twittering. You are a 40 year old man for gods sake. Don't you have a family? Do they have to suffer while you twitter at the dinner table and laugh privately at whatever you're reading? Simmons is trying his very hardest to turn himself into a celebrity by constantly giving himself credit as being the most genius mind to have thought of ideas ever. Let's please not feed his Jupiter sized ego.

Buck Showalter solves what no one thought was a problem

I'm utterly convinced that baseball managers are the most useless coaches in the four major sports. Not that this was any sort of revelation, but Buck Showalter proved to me this weekend just how dumb managers can be. Either that, or whatever intelligence he had was vacuumed out of his brain when he signed his contract with ESPN. Probably a bit of both.

Anyhow, I turn on Baseball Tonight on Saturday to find Steve Berthiaume and Buck discussing MLB divisional realignment. "The Reds and the Pirates play 10 more times this season. I don't want to watch them play 10 more times this season. The Red Sox and Yankees play 18 times this year..how do we restore fairness to scheduling?" asks Berthiaume (I paraphrase slightly).

Apparently this is some huge problem - baseball teams don't all play the same schedule!!! "This is one of my pet peeves and everybody in the field and the stands," says Buck. Grammatical errors aside, I don't think I've ever had a discussion about how unfair the baseball schedule is (nor any other pro league schedule for that matter).

During the segment, Buck made it clear that he didn't care for divisional play, and so he introduced a new plan that's supposed to be like the NFL and NBA in "getting rid of the American and National Leagues." I don't even know what that's supposed to mean, but the new schedule is basically the exact opposite of NFL and NBA schedules (and more like the Premier League schedule). Anyway, Buck wants to reshuffle the teams and form 4 new divisions of 7 teams each. Yes, Buck's masterful plan is contingent on contracting two teams! Who does Buck suggest should be contracted? The Marlins and the Rays, for some asinine reason. Never mind that the Marlins are getting a new fucking stadium. In the new schedule, the 28 teams would play each other 6 times each - 3 home, 3 road - for the sake of "fairness," of course.

For extra flair, the 4 new divisions would be named after baseball legends. Guess which ones they are: Robinson, Clemente, Ruth and Aaron (why baseball has such a compulsion to name everything after these 4 people is absurd). Buck made a big point of "preserving regional rivalries" in the new divisions. Of course, it was completely lost on Buck that regional rivalries don't mean shit when every team in the whole league plays each other the exact same amount of times. If every team plays 6 games against the other 27, there's no need for divisions!

Buck made a big point about how well the new divisions are set up "time-zone wise." Buck, you dumbass, time zones don't matter in this system because every team plays each other the same amount of times!

If you just read this, and said "What the fuck?" well, I don't blame you. I said the same thing on Saturday night. Just know that this is easily the most retarded segment I've seen on ESPN since Who's Now.

Shut the fuck up Rick Reilly

Rick Reilly's latest column is about the Williams sisters. I beg you to read the first couple paragraphs here:


"What if I told you about two white brothers from a trailer park on the tattooed side of the tracks? Their father decides -- against all logic -- to teach them a rich man's sport, golf, even though he's a complete chop himself. They become great on the weedy public courses, turn pro and dominate the sport. Just wipe the Tour up. Golf harrumphs in disbelief.

Then the two brothers grow disinterested with golf and get into motorcycle building. They nearly stop playing altogether.Then they grow disinterested with being disinterested and decide, What the hell, let's go thump again. So they crush all new saps, until it's obvious nearly every major is going to be won by one or the other.

Preposterous?

Well, change their color to black, their sex to female and their sport to tennis, and you have the Williams sisters, who now have 18 majors between them -- 11 for Serena and seven for Venus. Eighteen! If this were golf, Serena would be tied with Walter Hagen for third, and Venus would be tied with Bobby Jones, Arnold Palmer, Sam Snead and others for seventh. From one family, one coach, one house in Compton. It's the single most underplayed story in American sports in the past 25 years. Where's their postage stamp?"

What the fuck are you talking about? Did you just create a 2 paragraph analogy so retarded that it couldn't possibly refer to anything except to perfectly match up with the scenario the Williams sisters went through? Then of course he saves it by saying 'change the color to black and the sex to female and the sport to tennis' !!! Wow what a brilliant story you just weaved for us Poet Laureate Reilly!

He claims that this is the "most underplayed story in sports" How ridiculous is that statement? First of all, the Williams sisters are quite famous. ESPN covers them all the time. They covered Serena when she wore that t-shirt that said 'can you see my titles?' Please Rick, the most underplayed story in sports is something we probably haven't heard of. Why? BECAUSE IT'S UNDERPLAYED. You know what I think a great story is: Nick Swisher's emotional impact on the Yankees clubhouse. I think he (with a little help from AJ Burnett and his pies to the faces) has helped transform them into a happy team again. Why hasn't this been a story? That could be the most underplayed story in sports! The Yankees have the best record in baseball. I haven't seen any Yankees specials this year except when they play the Sawx. Yes I'm a Yankees fan and I'm biased, but to say this is the most underplayed story in sports is a bit of hyperbole isn't it Ol' Riles?

And quite frankly, how can you possibly like the Williams sisters? How about the fact that they play each other so much in the finals because they're both so good, but they never have good matches? They're always blowouts because the sisters confess it's hard for them to want to beat the other. Where is the competitive fire there? These should be epic sisterly clashes. I don't want to watch one roll over and give up after the first couple games.

Also, I think they are both underachievers. Everyone knows they are by far the most talented players in the game, and they have plenty of majors to show for it. However, they are nowhere near approaching the records of the great women players of the past. I would argue this is because they don't care enough about tennis. They're too busy modeling and starting other careers to care. Sweet lord you could put a cup of coffee on that ass, but while she's modeling for that picture I think Justine Henin just won 3 majors. Whoops look how the time flies!

Reilly points this out as their greatness. They can take time off and come back and still be great. I would contend that this makes them the opposite of admirable. They have no drive to make history. Yes, they have done a lot for African Americans playing tennis already, but I don't think they have the same kind of fire that drives say, Roger Federer. Rick, I hope you die choking on Serena's giant black cock.

Are you serious, Matthew Berry?

This article was a headline on ESPN mobile today. Being an avid fantasy football participant, I decided to check it out but was instead bombarded by a million plugs to play on ESPN. The unnecessary and blatant attempts to promote ESPN's fantasy leagues drowned out any legitimate insight of superdweeb Matthew Berry. By reading this article, I am curious how many royalties he gets per ESPN mention. Here are some of the many:


Now remember, we play with at least two [wide recievers] , with the option of adding a third in an ESPN standard league.

- OK, you can't do the same in a non-ESPN league?


First, I highly recommend an auction. The argument against was always that to do it correctly everyone needed to be in the same room. Now, thanks to our auction draft software, that's no longer a concern.


Try it once and you'll be hooked. And if you've never tried, you can do it now in our free, mock auction lobby.

- Wow, ESPN saved my life now that they have auction-competent software

Second, where are you playing out the league? You know I am a company man, so I'll just merely mention that everything you want or need for your league is here and free on ESPN.com. And here's the thing. I've played on other sites. I'm not trashing other sites. But, and I am being honest here, the best experience is on ESPN.com. And if you don't believe me, it's because you haven't tried it recently.

Look, it's 100 percent free to play. So if your long-term league has been playing elsewhere, set up a second "mirror league" here on ESPN. A taste test, if you will. And just see which one you like better. It costs you nothing except maybe an hour to set up the second league and, considering how much time you spend on your league every year, don't you want the best experience? The most fun, the most timely injury updates, the most tools in the game, the easiest interface, etc etc. Just try it. And if you hate it, I'll shut up. I promise.

- Really, you're a company man? Also, I'm actually going to set up the same exact league on two websites? I'm sorry I have a real life.


Obviously, you should be reading as much as possible. I would be checking ESPN.com at least once a day. Read the articles, listen to our daily podcasts, watch our daily videocast and stop by our twice-daily chats. I highly recommend our free mobile alerts, and for those who want even more of an edge you should sign up for ESPN Insider (or get yourself a Rotopass, which includes Insider as well as access to some other great fantasy sites).

- This is where the ESPN employee bonus comes in - I count half a dozen different features

Either way, knowledge is power. The more you know -- about players, lineups, injuries, sleepers, coaching changes, schedules, bye weeks, etc. -- the better shape you are in.


First, get yourself an up-to-the minute depth chart for every team in the NFL. We have a really good, easy-to-print version in our ESPN.com draft kit, and they will be updated throughout the preseason. But whomever's you like, print them out and bring them with you.

- A depth chart is a depth chart Berry...

By the way, if it's a salary cap/auction league -- did I mention you can now do auctions on ESPN.com for free? -- I also have a place to see how much money they have left. Those of you with laptops can have a spreadsheet do all this for you, obviously (or if you are using ESPN.com Auction Draft Lobby, we do it for you). If it's a keeper league with a salary cap, you start with how much money they have left for how many positions to fill.

- Did I mention you suck?

And finally,

Don't be shy! We're here to listen, to advise, to commiserate and to help here at ESPN.com. Again, stop by our chats and our message boards, e-mail our columnists. Send in questions to our daily Fantasy Focus podcast, videocast or our twice-daily chats (and three-hour chats on Sunday morning). It's a long season and we're gonna be there every step of the way with you.

- One more plug! Keep Matthew Berry amused at work!


To spite ESPN, I am using Yahoo for all of my fantasy teams in the future.

Brett Favre, Ron Mexico, and Turd Ferguson

Surely ESPN has gotten the message by now.  In SportsCenter's groundbreaking "Bud Light Freeze Frame" segment, a photo of Favre's return came in a distant third (just over 21% of the vote) this week behind - guess what! - Tiger losing and Bolt setting the WR in the 100 meter dash.  Thanks, SportsNation! 

By the way, I can't help but piggyback on Kyle's recent post reminding us of Michael Vick's priceless hotel alias: Ron Mexico.  When it comes to picking aliases, there are definitely some classics - check out the 2005 Yankees.

-RW