Fuck My Life Part Duex

Many of you are probably aware of this development. I think we all saw this coming. In my household, today is National Turn off ESPN Day. What is the point of this idea? This feat does not deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence of Guiness Book of World Records. And yes, I plan on watching the actual football game, but on mute.

Over/under too many mentions of Brett Favre on ESPN today...

How Charming

ESPN decided to spruce up everybody's collective day with this little gem.  It involves a video of two little kids at a Yankees game fighting with those foam finger things.  For an extra dose of entertainment, ESPN made its boxing analyst Teddy Atlas phone in to provide commentary for this "fight."  God only knows what poor Teddy was thinking as he talks about the one kid's uppercut that hit "nothing but air."  Am I being cynical, or did ESPN definitely place this video in its Top Ten plays for the day?

Also, you have to feel bad for the one kid who was cruelly labeled "Redhead" in ESPN's tale of the tape - kid's gotta deal with that label enough already.

Fuck my life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRyJVV9Q8LY

How can they keep this objective?

The Sports Business Daily has reported that ESPN has hired the Kraft Sports Group to sell local advertising for its new baby ESPNBoston.com. Now you may already have made the connection between the names Kraft and Boston: Bob Kraft is the owner of the New England Patriots. Now something seems odd here when a supposedly objective news site suddenly decides to hire as an ad agency people who own a team in the area. I wonder if Mr. Kraft has any incentive to paint his team in a good light, and to make sure ESPN does the same. Well, we don't have to wonder anymore because it seems apparent that the first of many shady deals may have already been struck.

As some may know, Tom Brady and Gisele are being sued by 2 photographers because security guards that Brady had hired for the wedding shot at the photographers taking pics from afar. Now I'm a Patriots fan and I'll defend Spygate till the end of time, but this seems like a pretty fucking serious offense. These guys could have been killed, when clearly they were just paparazzi trying to make a quick buck. Now I think invasion of privacy sucks and I can understand hiring security, but read this quote from the lawsuit:

The photographers, both residents of Costa Rica, tried to drive away when they spotted a drawn gun in the hands of one bodyguard, the lawsuit said.

At that moment, a bodyguard fired the gun, shattering the rear window of the sports utility vehicle with a bullet that then hit the front windshield and ricocheted off it into the driver's seat, the lawsuit said.

"The bullet narrowly missed striking the heads of Cortez and Aviles," the lawsuit said.

That seems pretty intense, and also seems like these guys have a valid case. However, this story was not covered on ESPN.com. Rather, it was relegated to ESPNBoston.com and thus saved Brady from more humiliating national exposure. Can ESPN seriously be doing this? This is the textbook definition of a conflict of interest. How can they get away with it? Reminds me of them trying to hide another big lawsuit this summer...

ESPN Tinkers With Realignment Plan, Part II

Just weeks after Buck Showalter's stupid and completely unprompted "plan" to revitalize Major League Baseball by randomly contracting 2 teams and creating 4 new divisions when his plan rendered divisions unnecessary, ESPN is at it again!  This week's sport?  Hockey!!

Shockingly, John Buccigross, who technically isn't even an analyst - he just reads off hockey highlights for a living - is the only "expert" of these 4 who seemed to put some thought into this. John at least gave reasons for his proposed realignment, something no one else bothered to do (despite the fact that their job title is "analyst").  Scott Burnside, Pierre LeBrun, and Barry Melrose followed Buck Showalter's methodology, a.k.a. write down the first thing that comes to your mind, regardless of whether or not your plan would make sense. Pierre and Barry don't even mention that the NHL would rather expand to Europe than anywhere else.  Scott Burnside's attempt at humor was pretty lame too.  That must be embarrassing for somebody who likes hockey - being called lame.  

I've wanted to like hockey since its return from the lockout because I can't think of a less exciting winter sport than the NBA.  Can't wait to hear ESPN's new plan to revitalize the "No Balls Association" (the acronym Bill Simmons will repeat ad nauseum this coming season) - it should be due out soon.  Here's betting this asinine subject is what Bill Simmons devotes his next column to.